30 Minutes, the Blink of an Eye
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Shonenai. It's amazing what can happen in just a few minutes. For Duo Maxwell, most everything has happened too soon and he is constantly plagued with the What ifs. When he denies the one he loves will he manage to admit it or will he be too late... again


Petra: This came to me late one night and, so I wrote. Really, I was looking at the lyrics to Tatu's 'All the Things She Said' thinking that I might turn that into fic, when I looked at this song. I saved it on a disk and brought it home and, this is what came out when I started writing.   
Kati: It's deliberately left it so that you can pretend that Duo's in love with whoever you like. Have fun! R&R!  
  
DEDICATED: To that one minute that makes all the difference  
WARNING: Angst, shonen-ai (but with who, you have to decide)  
DISCLAIMER: This song was sung by Tatu, I don't know who it's written by *shrug* and Gundam Wing... Well... I offered them money for the rights to Gundam Wing but, yet again, they turned me down. Until then, I do not own it but, on that day... *evil laugh*   
  
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30 Minutes, a Blink of an Eye  
  
"Reflect on your... childhood... Your sensations... your words... your emotions... Time... it will not wait... No matter... how hard you hold on. It escapes you..." -Final Fantasy VIII  
  
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NOTE: Thank you to Lena who kindly pointed out that I made mistakes on the song. -_-; I'm sorry to say but I haven't actually heard it... so any mistakes I made are actually the person who wrote the lyrics fault. But, still, thank you for correcting me!  
  
It's amazing how thirty minutes can change your life in one instant.   
  
Out of sight, out of mind / Out of time to decide / Do we run? Should I hide / For the rest of my life?   
  
For example, one day this little kid went out and stole a mobile suit. After wreaking havoc with it, he returned to this Catholic orphanage/church where he'd been staying. Thirty minutes after leaving his poor but beautiful home he came back and found that now, there was no home, just a burning pile of rubble that littered the ground. It was the most horrible thing to happen to me in my short life. Thirty minutes. If I had been one minute earlier, would I have been able to save them? I don't know, and that's worse than the fact that it happened; the question of whether I could have prevented if I had been just a minute earlier.  
  
Can we fly? Do we stay? / We could lose we could fail / In the moment it takes / to make plans / or mistakes   
  
Thirty minutes has almost always made the difference in my life. When I was small, my very best friend, my brother, my companion, the only one who cared, contracted the rare and deadly disease that had swept L2. I went looking for the medicine. It took exactly eight minutes to get there. Six minutes to find it. Five minutes to figure out how to get in. Eight minutes to get back. Exactly thirty minutes passed. When I got back, he smiled at me and then died. Again, I was too late. Would that minute have mattered? If I had found it or picked the lock just one minute faster, would I have been able to save him? Only God knows, and He abandoned me a long time ago.  
  
30 minutes / a blink of an eye / 30 minutes to alter our lives / 30 minutes to make up my mind / 30 minutes to finally decide   
  
I stowed away on Dr. G's ship. I don't know if I thought I could get away with it or not anymore. I don't think I cared at that point. After all, what did it matter if I got caught? I had no family. Then they found me and brought me to him, Dr. G, the man who would change everything forever. He stared at me a long time, it seemed like forever, and then nodded, as though agreeing with something that he was thinking. He asked me a lot of questions and then, when we landed, he stood up and told me that I had exactly thirty minutes to decide whether or not I wanted to work for him. I left. Exactly thirty minutes later I returned with a bright smile, ready to destroy what was left of my sanity.  
  
30 minutes to whisper your name / 30 minutes to shoulder the blame / 30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies / 30 minutes to finally decide  
  
I've counted how many times I've lied. Thirty lies. You were the last one. We never should have let it happen to begin with. It was so stupid. We were on standby for an hour. You kissed me after thirty minutes of silence. I was able to love you, to say whatever I wanted to, for thirty minutes. Then you were gone again. When you came back, I told you I didn't love you. I lied; for only the thirtieth time I lied. I hadn't remember it hurting so much…  
  
Carousels in the sky / That we shape with our eyes / Under shade silhouettes casting / Shapes crying rain / Can we fly? Do I stay? / We could lose, we could fail / Either way, options change / Chances fail, trains derail  
  
So, you left. I hurt you. You left. You took the train. Sometime later the television began to flash about a train wreck and an officer called, telling me that you were in the accident and in critical condition. So now, here I am, sitting by your bed. They say that the next half-hour will be critical. It will decide whether or not you live. Whether I will be able to tell you the truth. Whether I will have to live the fact that you died without knowing how I feel. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes ago you were in my arms. Now you're teetering between life and death. In one instant, in thirty minutes, everything has changed. "Love..."  
  
30 minutes / a blink of an eye / 30 minutes to all of our lives / 30 minutes to make up my mind / 30 minutes to finally decide  
  
So, now I have thirty minutes instead of a lifetime to tell you what I should have told you to begin with. "I love you." Twenty minutes to decide if I want to risk your life by loving you. "But everything I touch always dies." Ten minutes to make up my mind. Thirty minutes was always too short. "Can you survive…?" Five minutes to say everything to you while you sleep and then decide if I want to say it to you while you're awake. "I'd like to think that you could…" Four minutes to hold your hand. "But only God knows." Three minutes to gently kiss the back of your hand. "And He left…" Two minutes to kiss your unresponsive lips. "Just like all the rest." One minute to hold my breath…  
  
30 minutes to whisper your name  
  
"Mr. Maxwell?" One more minute… one more chance…  
"Yes?" Even if it's just thirty more minutes…  
"He'll be fine. He's managed to pull through." I just want one more chance.  
"Thank you."  
"You should probably get some sleep."   
"I will, once he wakes up."   
"Alright. Goodnight, Mr. Maxwell."  
That night, as I sat by your bed, thinking of the fact that you might be dead at this moment, I decided something. No more wondering if that one minute would have made the difference. From now on I do everything as though it were the last minute, because someday it might be. So now, you're beginning to make small noises and your eyelids are fluttering. You'll wake any minute now and I will tell you, "I love you."  
  
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
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Petra: God knows, no one probably ever reads these 'afterthoughts' (as I call them), but I still write them... *sigh* What can I say? I'm an idiot. Anyways, I deliberately left this vague so that you can fill in whoever you want in the spot.   
Kati: It is a boy, though.   
Petra: You can't change that! Bwhahahahaha! *clears throat* Sorry. When I was writing it though, I was originally going to say it was Heero but then, while I was writing it, I decided that it would do better vague.   
Kati: Who do you guys think it is?   
Petra: Let's hear some opinions! R&R!   
Petra: *big, watery eyes* Peeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzze!   
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


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